Nostalgic?

“A wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one’s life, to one’s home or homeland, or to one’s family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.”

                I have been feeling fairly nostalgic lately.  I caught myself looking through old high school and college photos; fell into old music; thinking of certain friends.  I always assumed nostalgia implied that one yearns for another time in their lives; that it must have been happier or better somehow than today.

Is that not how it always works?  Do we not all look back to other times, sigh, and try to relive the good moments.  And does that have to mean that I must be unhappy with my current state?  Because I’m not; and because I did the same thing then – I looked to other parts of my existence, sighed, and relived the good moments...

                One of my closest friends died approaching two years ago.  I find myself thinking of the fun, the funny, the important things we did together.  I think of the people we were – specifically the person I was.

                What I am apparently very good at doing is ignoring everything but the good, fun, the funny, the important.  There was a lot of bad.  A lot of embarrassment.  A lot of uncomfortable.  I have changed for the better.  Life has changed for the better.  Then why is it that I (we – I think every does this) constantly look back with that bittersweet feeling, lusting for days of old?

Is that how nostalgia works?  You yearn for the good – due to selective memory?  I ignore everything that left invisible scars; that which likely provided the bread and butter for who I am now.  I have no regrets.  I love my life.  I still cannot let go.

Whatever the case may be, my nugget peed in my face today.  Not much is better than that.

Be good, 

Caitlin